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March 06, 2010

Days 17 - 21 - Piano Man

Weight 175.5

It's been pretty rough. Treatment 13 was Friday (March 5th) so now I'm on 2 days of rest. Got morphine yesterday but not using it yet. Still using Tylenol but it's not quite taking the edge of like it once did. I can't tolerate vicodin or codeine so I get to go straight to morphine. I don't rally feel like I need it yet but Superwoman Claire (she's my girlfriend, didn't I tell you?) gets scared when she watches me eat (lots of wincing and "fuuuuuuuuuuuuck" and "ouch, Jesus Christ!" and moaning - just my jolly way of getting it down) and says "just so we have it." She's awesome.

I gained .5lbs yesterday and that made everyone very happy. Next chemo round is this Wednesday (March 10) and I am not looking forward to that. Mouth sores, major pain on swallowing, dry mouth at night, lot of mucous, fatigue, those are the chief problems so I tend to be kinda quiet around here. I get "Are you ok?" a lot when friends drop by and I have to say "mucous, sores, pain" and they get it.

BUT I have been playing a lot of piano and because I am so sick I can FINALLY get my friends to sing! It's completely entertaining to me and the *perfect* distraction. The tunes I normally sing I pull out and give the musical friends I have the hound-dog look and they start singing when I start playing. The power of empathy!

First Lori came by (BFF and keyboard player in he Beets) and we worked on a new tune of mine. It was sweet. Next DD came by (friend from SSU) and I pulled out the Gillian Welch tune Miss Ohio and she got right into it because in my state I cannot (will not) be resisted. We then sang together on The Weight, one of my all time favorite tunes. My piano work is just good enough to get us by.

We jumped to guitar then and tried Little Green by Joni Mitchell. Finally we agreed that I would figure out California and Case of You for her return visit next week.

Then yesterday AEM (another friend from SSU) showed up (with a pint of THIS!) as my rad driver to the RPCC which we are renaming PAIN (still carefully working on the acronym - Pain And Intolerance to your Noise? Purgatory Associates and Injury Numb-skulls? Any ideas?). Anyhow, she can sing too and we did the Beach Boys' Don't Worry Baby and it was really sweet. My singing is not so great right now but I pushed through for my parts to help out AEM who, for some reason, could not stop smiling. Sweet.

The ever present N stopped by with M to say hi and check out H who loves all the young women of the community of caregivers. I tried to get M to sing, but she was bashful and declined. N said he would but interest in that faded quickly for some reason. Finally F did Bulldog and then got out his mandolin and we did I've Just Seen A Face together. Really sweet singing with my boy.

Really sorry to the folks who are calling (Yrag, MOS, Innie, yep even mom) that I can't take the calls. Singing a bit, as you know, gets me going and I fight through, but chatting on the phone is just too much damn work and the stuff in my mouth works against me carrying on a conversation. Email is awesome and please keep them coming. All your best wishes and thoughts are absolutely crucial.

I love to have visitors so if you're around please let Claire know you want to stop by. 26 days left to end of treatments. Drs warn that it's going to get worse but I intend to hang in there. Thanks for your help in making it possible.

Posted by Michael at March 6, 2010 10:03 AM